I Knew It Wasn't A Game

I was 6 years old and spending the summer with my father. My parents had been divorced for a few years and my father had me every other weekend and one month of the summer.

My Dad worked long hours in the automotive sales industry and was working sun up to sun down . He would find child care through various types of people, but mostly with the wives of male coworkers that had kids. That's how I became victim to Stuart. 

My Dad dropped me off at Melanie's (coworkers daughter close to my age) house for a birthday party and sleep over where I would spend the whole weekend being molested repeatedly.

When we arrived I was told to get my bathing suit on because they had a hot tub. Melanie and her Dad Stuart were already in. I loved the water and was excited. Not long after entering the hot tub Melanie's Dad slipped his large adults hands into my bathing suit and touched my vagina. He also touched his daughter and asked us both if It tickled. He went back and fourth between us for what seemed like a while. I assumed this was a new game that I was being taught and I said nothing. He was a grown up so he wouldn't hurt us I thought. 

Later that night after bathing we got our pajamas on and her Dad came back to tuck us in. The lights went off and he continued the tickle game without his daughter. He just touched me and advanced to kissing my private area goodnight. I felt sick . I knew this wasn't a game, but I was frozen in fear. I layed there for what seemed like forever while her farther further violated me and robbed me of my childhood innocence and safety. 

When he thought I was asleep, he left the room. I felt gross ,dirty and terrified. I began a strange straining technique to calm myself down, and push out the filthy feelings that crawled into my skin when Stuart touched me. 

The next morning I was clinging to his pregnant wife like a shadow.  I knew he wouldn't touch me again around her, and I still had to survive the rest of the weekend.  I don't remember telling my own father about what happened after he picked me up because I felt embarrassed. 

When I finally got home to my Mom the following week, I told her Daddy's friend had touched me . My mother called my father in a fit of rage, confronting him about my accusations about Stuart. My father claimed they were untrue, and just the imagination of a creative little girl who taught herself about being molested.

I realized later in life that my father was also a pedophile and that he probably understood Stuart's urges to violate children.  He justified Stuart's behavior as he probably justified his own. My father never comforted me or apologized for the experience(s) that I had. It was as if I had made it all up.

I was assaulted numerous times in my life after that. 

That was just the first.

McKenzie (Virginia)